Friday, April 30, 2010

This Just In!

I received a text from @PurpleBrina17 today!

Her message read:
Ronald McDonald's crazy ass just killed Burger King in front of Dairy Queen over that bitch Wendy. The funeral is at Churches. U goin'?
Of course I had to do some research and then ask other friends the same question...

In my research I found that this feud started some time ago. Apparently, Burger King thought he shot Ronald McDonald last year. So you can imagine his surprise when Ronald McDonald showed up and told him that a clone was killed instead. Shortly after this astonishing news, Ronald McDonald pulled out what some witnesses believed to be a .45 caliber semi-automatic and emptied the clip into the Burger King.

I also heard that Captain D's is actually pulling all funeral arrangements together...

However, I didn't know how I was to get there, IF I were to go.

Shortly after sending this information on, I received a text from @TwiSisterhood. She she said that you take the Subway by KFC Street to get there. She was going to ask Jack, but he's currently in a Box... somewhere.

At this point, I'm not sure I'm going. I really was spooked by that fucking head transplant that King had... He was just really creepy and such a perv (in a bad way).

Let me know if YOU are going!


Email HuMoR -- Retirement

Ok, as said before, people send me the most hilarious emails so I can laugh, because laughter really is good medicine. So without further ado, enjoy!


Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the "Purina Diet" again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people.. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.


Saturday, April 24, 2010

Why Women Can't Sleep

I love to receive humorous emails, especially when I need a really good laugh. I received this the other day and it explains so much...don't you think?

Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works?

Well, it's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration:

Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.

A man has only 2 balls.

They consume all his thoughts, and he sleeps like a baby.

More later... after I sleep.


Tuesday, April 6, 2010

"Divine Misdemeanors" by Laurell K. Hamilton

I woke this morning with several subjects on my mind. I found myself full of enough material to pontificate through several blog posts. Of course, this is my blog, nobody else posts to it, except in comments... which means I could blog about ALL the shit that's on my mind.... but I won't. Not today, or at least not now.

Today, it is time for me to post my review on a book I just finished reading, "Divine Misdemeanors" by Laurell K. Hamilton. 

First off, let me preface that Laurell K. Hamilton has made it into the "Author's I love to read" category. She is very descriptive and creative in all the books I have read of hers. She is also on my list of books that I can't wait to read.

I have read all her books in this series about Meredith Gentry, Private Eye and Faerie Princess. All of them seemed to flow right into the next. However after her last book, "Swallowing Darkness," I wasn't exactly sure where she could go in this latest, "Divine Misdemeanors." There was no Prince Cel to continuously attack her... there was no Queen Andais to be frightened by... There were no secret assassination attempts on her life in this book. In fact, there almost was no lemons at all in this book. 

As I began to read through this book, I had a lot of mixed feelings. Where is the author going with this series? All the other books lead to Princess Meredith becoming Queen of the Unseelie Court, yet we don't see that. In fact, she's now back in Los Angeles being a private detective. We see faint instances where the demi-fey acknowledge that she is or may be a queen. I mean, she is King Sholto's Queen... *shiver* but nobody wants to acknowledge that kingdom! Right? Everyone seems to know that the Faerie mounds acknowledged or crowned her Faerie Queen, but we've seen her give that up for Frost. Well, let's just say, she believes she's given it up.. I on the other hand think otherwise.

Of course I was interested in the murder scenes and trying to find the murderer... but by about chapter 17, I'm wondering if this was just going to be another detective novel. I mean, where's the sex, where's the relationships, where's the faerie magic that we all love to read? 

Then there's this dream that Merry has where she's transported back to the Black Coach, which we all know comes to the ruler of the Unseelie Court... Merry is shown this battlefield which reminds her of the previous battle in  "Swallowing Darkness." Through this dreamscape, she sees Brennan and finds him trapped in battle... She hears how Brennan calls her to him with blood, metal, and magic... As her dream begins to fade, she orders the Black Coach to take him and his men to safety and the she wakes.

I'm sitting there in goosebumps wondering what's to become of this dream... All we know is there is some kind of war going on, but we're not taken any further into why this happened. We're brought back to the mystery at hand... 

Finally, around chapter 21, the lemons start. But I begin to feel like it is all quickly added in by the author. Like... "OMG I forgot to include some sex into my story." I found myself actually feeling sorry for Merry because I felt like every time she walked through a door, she was getting banged. I was puzzled at first that she was having sex with men who were not the babies' fathers... I thought there was a law against that or something... but then I began to see that Merry is starting to make her own rules. She's creating her own monarchy or dynasty. So rules seem to be changing.

We also begin to see the true colors of Barinthius. He struggles to want to be a god once again and begins to defy Merry.

Where is the author going with this book? What is she building up too? It seems to me that this book is pivotal to something else, something huge. Perhaps a new faerie mound? Will there be a faerie war? What of the babies? How will they factor in? Also, I'm left wondering if somehow Merry's 'humanness' is fading with her faerieness...(that's not a word, but still) as her magic grows, it seems that perhaps that human factor of frailty is leaving.

Overall this book was worth the read, however there were parts to it that I felt were contrived or perhaps artificial. I definitely felt this book is pivotal in whatever course the author will begin next. I look forward to her next installment to the Meredith Gentry series!

...more later!