Saturday, March 13, 2010

New Medications for Women Only!

Apparently there are a few new drugs out there for women that I have just found out about. I felt you might benefit from these as well. 

Here is an advertisement for the newest one available.


There are some other drugs that I'd never heard of either that I found... but each sounds just as helpful as the new drug Fukitol®.

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mum's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person."

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.

I am real excited to give some of these an honest try. I think the next time I see my doctor, I will find out which of these medications best fits my particular needs. Perhaps you see something in this list that might interest you. Leave me some comment love and tell me all about it.

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4 comments:

Sara said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! OMG you crack me up woman! I told DH about these an he just rolled his eyes :P

Honolulu Girl from Trueblood Twilight said...

OMG I love it!! That’s hilarious.

Aim4theNeck said...

I'll have everything except the Peptobimbo and the Dumberol.... I'm bimbo and dumb enough as it is!
I must definately try the rest.... Lol

Susie From ApplesnFeathers said...

I have unfortunately consumed some Peptobimbo in the past...not my proudest moments LOL