"Samson’s Lovely Mortal" by Tina Folsom

When asked to read and review this paranormal romance, “Samson’s Lovely Mortal”, I took the time to read the synopsis about the book as well as the author’s website. At first, I was skeptical and uncertain that I would be interested in the storyline. However, the thought occurred to me, there have been many books I have read with just as much or less information about them, but took it upon someone’s word that they were good. I had friends who had read those books and could give me a play-by-play if I need it. This time, this book had not been release yet. I was a first time reader, so to speak, and I would potentially be a first reviewer. I appreciated the challenge set before me.

Samson is a vampire and has been a bachelor for a very long time. Never in his life, or undead life, has he ever had trouble getting it up. He has never had trouble in the sex department before but now it’s a problem. Upon advice from a friend, he seeks the help of a shrink, only to realize not even a shrink can help. However, it all changes when fate brings a beautiful mortal named, Delilah to his doorstep. Delilah is an auditor who is hired to audit a company in a city she is unfamiliar. Chased by a would-be mugger, Delilah happens upon Samson’s doorstep seeking refuge. Opening the door and inviting the now soaked from rain, scared human into his home, and through several misunderstandings, Samson realizes that his equipment has begun to work again.

I am not one who cares to read or watch gratuitous sex. When I began reading this book, that was my first thought. In fact, I even set the story down for a couple of days because I was not impressed on the first chapter. I will admit, I am very hard on books. If they don’t capture my attention in the first chapter, I usually get rid of it. Had I done that with this book, it would have been my loss.

Author Tina Folsom did an excellent job of developing her main characters for this story, the good, the bad, the happy and the sad. Did I really want to start out the gate reading of a man with erectile dysfunction? No, not particularly. However, to capture the beautiful love story, you have to see where the main characters were before they fell in love. You get an idea of the inner workings of fate in this story.

After getting past the first couple of chapters, this story became an excellent page-turner! I found myself wanting to get back to the story to find out what more would happen. As I approached the end, I found myself asking questions, questions that only the author could answer. Perhaps she will in her future books. However, with all that said, I enjoyed every emotional, erotic, and sexy second of this story. It’s a beautiful love story with just a little intrigue added to keep all interested. I recommend you grab a copy. You can purchase and download your copy available on Amazon.com and Smashwords.com

Check out the link on my sidebar for Ms. Folsoms’s web address where you can find more information of all her books. In addition, you can follow her for on Twitter, @Tina_Folsom.

"Her Vampire Husband” by Michelle Hauf

I cannot say that I am the fastest reader of book reviewers, but I do love to sit and enjoy a good paranormal romance book. Michelle Hauf’s book, “Her Vampire Husband” was exactly that.

In this story, Vampires have tribes and Werewolves, packs. Each is bloodthirsty and has had centuries to wage war against the other. Both nations have laid claim to numerous losses between them. In an attempt to bring peace between the rival nations, a Council comprised of both Vampires and Werewolves agree to an arranged marriage between Blu Masterson, Princess of the Werewolf nation and Creed Saint-Pierre, elder of the Vampire nation.

Peace is the overtone to this marriage but as you read through you find that nobody believes this marriage will bring peace at all. Blu insists that she will never allow her new husband the opportunity to mark her with his bite. Creed insists he could never love a werewolf, but would keep up appearance for the sake of peace. As the story unfolds, both Creed and Blu fall in love with each other and find they do not understand why there was so much hatred between them. With their new found love for each other, they work together to bring peace to their nations. This was not an easy task.

Overall, I found this to be a fascinating story. I must admit that at first I had my doubts about the storyline. However, it completely maintained its “page-turner” status with me. I looked forward to returning to it each night to find out what would or could happen next.

Michele Hauf develops her characters very well, which makes them easy to fall in love with. I found myself completely enamored with both Blu and Creed as they fell head over heels in love with each other. I love books that grab your emotions and pull you in. This story is has its dark undertones and is deliciously sexy!

Check out the link on my sidebar for Ms. Hauf’s web address where you can find more information of all her books. Also, you can follow her for on Twitter; @michelehauf.

Ms. Hauf, I so look forward to reading more of your books in the future.

“The Host” by Stephenie Meyer

I had just finished reading Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Saga when I came across her adult novel, “The Host.” I really like Stephenie Meyer’s approach to writing so I picked up a copy and began reading.

In “The Host”, the author paints another beautiful story where aliens invade our world and humans become hosts for these alien "souls". These “souls”, as they like to be called, are inserted in human minds where they completely erase any past memories the human once had and begin a new life. Melanie Stryder is one of the few remaining humans captured by the aliens. Believed to have vital information about other rogue humans, a "soul" named Wanderer is inserted into Melanie to retrieve all memories that would lead them to the various clusters of human hosts. What Wanderer finds out is that Melanie doesn't want to succumb to all of this... Melanie never gives up. Therefore, Wanderer ends up sharing Melanie's body with... well eh, Melanie.

Melanie and Wanderer journey away from civilization in an attempt to locate Melanie’s little brother and the love of her life. In order to do this, Melanie must allow Wanderer to see memories that would reveal the location of other humans. This is now easy task.

Now, I could go on telling you more, but I will not. This story turns into a love triangle with Melanie completely intact and in love with Jared, but Wanderer is also intact in Melanie's conscientiousness and she is in love with Ian. With Melanie and Wanderer both in Melanie's head, Melanie is faced with a difficult task of holding onto her life. Wanderer’s experiences on other planets never prepared her for humans and their emotional makeup. She learns very quickly how dear humans hold their individuality.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and look forward to it becoming a movie.

Go get the book... it is a good read!

“Burned” by P.C. Cast & Kristen Cast

P.C. Cast and Kristen Cast pull it off again with the next installment to the House of Night series. “Burned”, appeared on bookstands May 6, 2010 and sadly I was not one of the first to get my copy. However, excited as usual to get my copy, I quickly read to find out what happened to our heroine, Zoey Redbird.

As you recall from my book review of “Tempted”, I was all too eager to find out how our vampyres and fledglings faired in this series. We left Stevie Rae holding secrets from everyone about the imprint she had with Raven Mocker, Rephaim. Zoey witnessed the death of her childhood sweetheart by the hand of fallen warrior, Kalona. She used all that she had within her, and threw the full power of the element spirit at Kalona, attempting to kill him. The combination of all this caused Zoey’s spirit to leave this realm and move on to the Otherworld, shattering her soul in hundreds of pieces. Her body still lives but her spirit is not in her. With her soul now shattered and in the Otherworld, her circle of friends must find a way to bring her back.

“Burned” is a continuation of this specific adventure. Zoey’s friends pulled themselves together with the help of the vampyre council and found only one way to rescue her. Doing what they all do best, they each take on the responsibility of learning the history of vampyres and their warriors. Our hero warrior, Stark takes his vow as warrior to a completely new level as he learns what he must do to protect his priestess in the Otherworld.

I can continue from here and describe to you all the various adventures found in this book, or in this series, but I will not. This series is one I would definitely put on your “To Read” list. Although this is a Young Adult series, I feel it still holds enough intrigue and excitement for any adult. It is packed full of angst, friendships, honor, and love… not to mention vampyres and magic.

Each book in this series, in my opinion, cannot really stand up all on its own. You must read the whole series to follow the storyline accurately. I like the Casts’ vampyres very much. They are not your typical bloodsuckers that you read about in other novels. You find yourself hoping that this band of misfits actually lives on and succeeds. The writers do a good job of introducing you into the lives of teens you normally would hate to know, only to find you need and love them. Many are the emotions tapped as you read into the lives of these teens.

“Tempted” left me full of suspense, anger, and sadness whereas “Burned” quashed all that and brought relief. However, as is usually for this writing team, you are left with not so much a cliffhanger, but the apprehension of what is to happen next.

The next installment for The House of Night series is, “Awakened”. Although I have not heard of a release date yet, I will keep checking their website, http://houseofnightseries.com for any new updates.

This Just In!

I received a text from @PurpleBrina17 today!

Her message read:

Ronald McDonald's crazy ass just killed Burger King in front of Dairy Queen over that bitch Wendy. The funeral is at Churches. U goin'?

Of course I had to do some research and then ask other friends the same question...

In my research I found that this feud started some time ago. Apparently, Burger King thought he shot Ronald McDonald last year. So you can imagine his surprise when Ronald McDonald showed up and told him that a clone was killed instead. Shortly after this astonishing news, Ronald McDonald pulled out what some witnesses believed to be a .45 caliber semi-automatic and emptied the clip into the Burger King.

I also heard that Captain D's is actually pulling all funeral arrangements together...

However, I didn't know how I was to get there, IF I were to go.

Shortly after sending this information on, I received a text from @TwiSisterhood. She she said that you take the Subway by KFC Street to get there. She was going to ask Jack, but he's currently in a Box... somewhere.

At this point, I'm not sure I'm going. I really was spooked by that fucking head transplant that King had... He was just really creepy and such a perv (in a bad way).

Let me know if YOU are going!

Email HuMoR -- Retirement

Ok, as said before, people send me the most hilarious emails so I can laugh, because laughter really is good medicine. So without further ado, enjoy!

Retirement

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the "Purina Diet" again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people.. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

Why Women Can't Sleep

I love to receive humorous emails, especially when I need a really good laugh. I received this the other day and it explains so much...don't you think?

Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works?

Well, it's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration:

Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.

A man has only 2 balls.

They consume all his thoughts, and he sleeps like a baby.

More later... after I sleep.

"Divine Misdemeanors" by Laurell K. Hamilton

I woke this morning with several subjects on my mind. I found myself full of enough material to pontificate through several blog posts. Of course, this is my blog, nobody else posts to it, except in comments... which means I could blog about ALL the shit that's on my mind.... but I won't. Not today, or at least not now.

Today, it is time for me to post my review on a book I just finished reading, "Divine Misdemeanors" by Laurell K. Hamilton. 

First off, let me preface that Laurell K. Hamilton has made it into the "Author's I love to read" category. She is very descriptive and creative in all the books I have read of hers. She is also on my list of books that I can't wait to read.

I have read all her books in this series about Meredith Gentry, Private Eye and Faerie Princess. All of them seemed to flow right into the next. However after her last book, "Swallowing Darkness," I wasn't exactly sure where she could go in this latest, "Divine Misdemeanors." There was no Prince Cel to continuously attack her... there was no Queen Andais to be frightened by... There were no secret assassination attempts on her life in this book. In fact, there almost was no lemons at all in this book. 

As I began to read through this book, I had a lot of mixed feelings. Where is the author going with this series? All the other books lead to Princess Meredith becoming Queen of the Unseelie Court, yet we don't see that. In fact, she's now back in Los Angeles being a private dick...er detective. We see faint instances where the demi-fey acknowledge that she is or may be a queen. I mean, she is King Sholto's Queen... *shiver* but nobody wants to acknowledge that kingdom! Right? Everyone seems to know that the Faerie mounds acknowledged or crowned her Faerie Queen, but we've seen her give that up for Frost. Well, let's just say, she believes she's given it up.. I on the other hand think otherwise.

Of course I was interested in the murder scenes and trying to find the murderer... but by about chapter 17, I'm wondering if this was just going to be another detective novel. I mean, where's the sex, where's the relationships, where's the faerie magic that we all love to read? 

Then there's this dream that Merry has where she's transported back to the Black Coach, which we all know comes to the ruler of the Unseelie Court... Merry is shown this battlefield which reminds her of the previous battle in  "Swallowing Darkness." Through this dreamscape, she sees Brennan and finds him trapped in battle... She hears how Brennan calls her to him with blood, metal, and magic... As her dream begins to fade, she orders the Black Coach to take him and his men to safety and the she wakes.

I'm sitting there in goosebumps wondering what's to become of this dream... All we know is there is some kind of war going on, but we're not taken any further into why this happened. We're brought back to the mystery at hand... 

Finally, around chapter 21, the lemons start. But I begin to feel like it is all quickly added in by the author. Like... "OMG I forgot to include some sex into my story." I found myself actually feeling sorry for Merry because I felt like every time she walked through a door, she was getting banged. I was puzzled at first that she was having sex with men who were not the babies' fathers... I thought there was a law against that or something... but then I began to see that Merry is starting to make her own rules. She's creating her own monarchy or dynasty. So rules seem to be changing.

We also begin to see the true colors of Barinthius. He struggles to want to be a god once again and begins to defy Merry.

Where is the author going with this book? What is she building up too? It seems to me that this book is pivotal to something else, something huge. Perhaps a new faerie mound? Will there be a faerie war? What of the babies? How will they factor in? Also, I'm left wondering if somehow Merry's 'humanness' is fading with her faerieness...(that's not a word, but still) as her magic grows, it seems that perhaps that human factor of frailty is leaving.

Overall this book was worth the read, however there were parts to it that I felt were contrived or perhaps artificial. I definitely felt this book is pivotal in whatever course the author will begin next. I look forward to her next installment to the Meredith Gentry series!

...more later!

Signs of the Modern Woman

As you are aware, I receive some very hilarious emails just about everyday. Some stuff gets a chuckle then tossed, but other stuff, even though labor intensive to share on this blog, is worth more than one chuckle.

I do not know where these images come from...but if they belong to you, it is not my intent to leave these anonymous... Just drop me an email and I'll give credit where credit is due!!

Signs of the Modern Woman

Leave me some comment love!! I'd love to hear from you! *mwah*

New Medications for Women Only!

Apparently there are a few new drugs out there for women that I have just found out about. I felt you might benefit from these as well. 

Here is an advertisement for the newest one available.

There are some other drugs that I'd never heard of either that I found... but each sounds just as helpful as the new drug Fukitol®.

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

DAMNITOL

Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN

Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!

ST. MOMMA'S WORT

Plant extract that treats mum's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO

Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN

Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person."

BUYAGRA

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN

Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT

A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT

When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.

I am real excited to give some of these an honest try. I think the next time I see my doctor, I will find out which of these medications best fits my particular needs. Perhaps you see something in this list that might interest you. Leave me some comment love and tell me all about it.