“The Host” by Stephenie Meyer

I had just finished reading Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Saga when I came across her adult novel, “The Host.” I really like Stephenie Meyer’s approach to writing so I picked up a copy and began reading.

In “The Host”, the author paints another beautiful story where aliens invade our world and humans become hosts for these alien "souls". These “souls”, as they like to be called, are inserted in human minds where they completely erase any past memories the human once had and begin a new life. Melanie Stryder is one of the few remaining humans captured by the aliens. Believed to have vital information about other rogue humans, a "soul" named Wanderer is inserted into Melanie to retrieve all memories that would lead them to the various clusters of human hosts. What Wanderer finds out is that Melanie doesn't want to succumb to all of this... Melanie never gives up. Therefore, Wanderer ends up sharing Melanie's body with... well eh, Melanie.

Melanie and Wanderer journey away from civilization in an attempt to locate Melanie’s little brother and the love of her life. In order to do this, Melanie must allow Wanderer to see memories that would reveal the location of other humans. This is now easy task.

Now, I could go on telling you more, but I will not. This story turns into a love triangle with Melanie completely intact and in love with Jared, but Wanderer is also intact in Melanie's conscientiousness and she is in love with Ian. With Melanie and Wanderer both in Melanie's head, Melanie is faced with a difficult task of holding onto her life. Wanderer’s experiences on other planets never prepared her for humans and their emotional makeup. She learns very quickly how dear humans hold their individuality.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and look forward to it becoming a movie.

Go get the book... it is a good read!

“Burned” by P.C. Cast & Kristen Cast

P.C. Cast and Kristen Cast pull it off again with the next installment to the House of Night series. “Burned”, appeared on bookstands May 6, 2010 and sadly I was not one of the first to get my copy. However, excited as usual to get my copy, I quickly read to find out what happened to our heroine, Zoey Redbird.

As you recall from my book review of “Tempted”, I was all too eager to find out how our vampyres and fledglings faired in this series. We left Stevie Rae holding secrets from everyone about the imprint she had with Raven Mocker, Rephaim. Zoey witnessed the death of her childhood sweetheart by the hand of fallen warrior, Kalona. She used all that she had within her, and threw the full power of the element spirit at Kalona, attempting to kill him. The combination of all this caused Zoey’s spirit to leave this realm and move on to the Otherworld, shattering her soul in hundreds of pieces. Her body still lives but her spirit is not in her. With her soul now shattered and in the Otherworld, her circle of friends must find a way to bring her back.

“Burned” is a continuation of this specific adventure. Zoey’s friends pulled themselves together with the help of the vampyre council and found only one way to rescue her. Doing what they all do best, they each take on the responsibility of learning the history of vampyres and their warriors. Our hero warrior, Stark takes his vow as warrior to a completely new level as he learns what he must do to protect his priestess in the Otherworld.

I can continue from here and describe to you all the various adventures found in this book, or in this series, but I will not. This series is one I would definitely put on your “To Read” list. Although this is a Young Adult series, I feel it still holds enough intrigue and excitement for any adult. It is packed full of angst, friendships, honor, and love… not to mention vampyres and magic.

Each book in this series, in my opinion, cannot really stand up all on its own. You must read the whole series to follow the storyline accurately. I like the Casts’ vampyres very much. They are not your typical bloodsuckers that you read about in other novels. You find yourself hoping that this band of misfits actually lives on and succeeds. The writers do a good job of introducing you into the lives of teens you normally would hate to know, only to find you need and love them. Many are the emotions tapped as you read into the lives of these teens.

“Tempted” left me full of suspense, anger, and sadness whereas “Burned” quashed all that and brought relief. However, as is usually for this writing team, you are left with not so much a cliffhanger, but the apprehension of what is to happen next.

The next installment for The House of Night series is, “Awakened”. Although I have not heard of a release date yet, I will keep checking their website, http://houseofnightseries.com for any new updates.

This Just In!

I received a text from @PurpleBrina17 today!

Her message read:

Ronald McDonald's crazy ass just killed Burger King in front of Dairy Queen over that bitch Wendy. The funeral is at Churches. U goin'?

Of course I had to do some research and then ask other friends the same question...

In my research I found that this feud started some time ago. Apparently, Burger King thought he shot Ronald McDonald last year. So you can imagine his surprise when Ronald McDonald showed up and told him that a clone was killed instead. Shortly after this astonishing news, Ronald McDonald pulled out what some witnesses believed to be a .45 caliber semi-automatic and emptied the clip into the Burger King.

I also heard that Captain D's is actually pulling all funeral arrangements together...

However, I didn't know how I was to get there, IF I were to go.

Shortly after sending this information on, I received a text from @TwiSisterhood. She she said that you take the Subway by KFC Street to get there. She was going to ask Jack, but he's currently in a Box... somewhere.

At this point, I'm not sure I'm going. I really was spooked by that fucking head transplant that King had... He was just really creepy and such a perv (in a bad way).

Let me know if YOU are going!

Email HuMoR -- Retirement

Ok, as said before, people send me the most hilarious emails so I can laugh, because laughter really is good medicine. So without further ado, enjoy!

Retirement

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the "Purina Diet" again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people.. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

Why Women Can't Sleep

I love to receive humorous emails, especially when I need a really good laugh. I received this the other day and it explains so much...don't you think?

Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works?

Well, it's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration:

Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.

A man has only 2 balls.

They consume all his thoughts, and he sleeps like a baby.

More later... after I sleep.

"Divine Misdemeanors" by Laurell K. Hamilton

I woke this morning with several subjects on my mind. I found myself full of enough material to pontificate through several blog posts. Of course, this is my blog, nobody else posts to it, except in comments... which means I could blog about ALL the shit that's on my mind.... but I won't. Not today, or at least not now.

Today, it is time for me to post my review on a book I just finished reading, "Divine Misdemeanors" by Laurell K. Hamilton. 

First off, let me preface that Laurell K. Hamilton has made it into the "Author's I love to read" category. She is very descriptive and creative in all the books I have read of hers. She is also on my list of books that I can't wait to read.

I have read all her books in this series about Meredith Gentry, Private Eye and Faerie Princess. All of them seemed to flow right into the next. However after her last book, "Swallowing Darkness," I wasn't exactly sure where she could go in this latest, "Divine Misdemeanors." There was no Prince Cel to continuously attack her... there was no Queen Andais to be frightened by... There were no secret assassination attempts on her life in this book. In fact, there almost was no lemons at all in this book. 

As I began to read through this book, I had a lot of mixed feelings. Where is the author going with this series? All the other books lead to Princess Meredith becoming Queen of the Unseelie Court, yet we don't see that. In fact, she's now back in Los Angeles being a private dick...er detective. We see faint instances where the demi-fey acknowledge that she is or may be a queen. I mean, she is King Sholto's Queen... *shiver* but nobody wants to acknowledge that kingdom! Right? Everyone seems to know that the Faerie mounds acknowledged or crowned her Faerie Queen, but we've seen her give that up for Frost. Well, let's just say, she believes she's given it up.. I on the other hand think otherwise.

Of course I was interested in the murder scenes and trying to find the murderer... but by about chapter 17, I'm wondering if this was just going to be another detective novel. I mean, where's the sex, where's the relationships, where's the faerie magic that we all love to read? 

Then there's this dream that Merry has where she's transported back to the Black Coach, which we all know comes to the ruler of the Unseelie Court... Merry is shown this battlefield which reminds her of the previous battle in  "Swallowing Darkness." Through this dreamscape, she sees Brennan and finds him trapped in battle... She hears how Brennan calls her to him with blood, metal, and magic... As her dream begins to fade, she orders the Black Coach to take him and his men to safety and the she wakes.

I'm sitting there in goosebumps wondering what's to become of this dream... All we know is there is some kind of war going on, but we're not taken any further into why this happened. We're brought back to the mystery at hand... 

Finally, around chapter 21, the lemons start. But I begin to feel like it is all quickly added in by the author. Like... "OMG I forgot to include some sex into my story." I found myself actually feeling sorry for Merry because I felt like every time she walked through a door, she was getting banged. I was puzzled at first that she was having sex with men who were not the babies' fathers... I thought there was a law against that or something... but then I began to see that Merry is starting to make her own rules. She's creating her own monarchy or dynasty. So rules seem to be changing.

We also begin to see the true colors of Barinthius. He struggles to want to be a god once again and begins to defy Merry.

Where is the author going with this book? What is she building up too? It seems to me that this book is pivotal to something else, something huge. Perhaps a new faerie mound? Will there be a faerie war? What of the babies? How will they factor in? Also, I'm left wondering if somehow Merry's 'humanness' is fading with her faerieness...(that's not a word, but still) as her magic grows, it seems that perhaps that human factor of frailty is leaving.

Overall this book was worth the read, however there were parts to it that I felt were contrived or perhaps artificial. I definitely felt this book is pivotal in whatever course the author will begin next. I look forward to her next installment to the Meredith Gentry series!

...more later!

Signs of the Modern Woman

As you are aware, I receive some very hilarious emails just about everyday. Some stuff gets a chuckle then tossed, but other stuff, even though labor intensive to share on this blog, is worth more than one chuckle.

I do not know where these images come from...but if they belong to you, it is not my intent to leave these anonymous... Just drop me an email and I'll give credit where credit is due!!

Signs of the Modern Woman

Leave me some comment love!! I'd love to hear from you! *mwah*

New Medications for Women Only!

Apparently there are a few new drugs out there for women that I have just found out about. I felt you might benefit from these as well. 

Here is an advertisement for the newest one available.

There are some other drugs that I'd never heard of either that I found... but each sounds just as helpful as the new drug Fukitol®.

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

DAMNITOL

Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN

Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!

ST. MOMMA'S WORT

Plant extract that treats mum's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO

Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

FLIPITOR

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN

Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person."

BUYAGRA

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN

Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT

A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT

When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.

I am real excited to give some of these an honest try. I think the next time I see my doctor, I will find out which of these medications best fits my particular needs. Perhaps you see something in this list that might interest you. Leave me some comment love and tell me all about it.

In Case You Missed Sunday's Sermon

Lately, I have missed out on Sunday sermons. So when I received this in my email, I thought... I have to post this for others who may have missed their Sunday sermon.

"Four Worms and a Lesson"

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following

The first worm in alcohol

DEAD

The second worm in cigarette smoke

DEAD

Third worm in chocolate syrup

Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil

Alive!

So the Minister asked the congregation, "What can you learn from this demonstration?"

Maxine sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

"As long as you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, 
you won't have worms!" 

That pretty much ended the sermon.

Visit to the Eye Doctor

I've not been real consistent on my blogging lately. I do apologize for that. In my defense, I have been extremely busy with RL... Yeah, I know... excuses... Well, get used to it.

I am one of those people who hates to go to the doctor, but more importantly, I hate to have to find NEW doctors. I've been in Arizona now for just over one year and still haven't found dentists, doctors, or eye doctors. My health has seen better days but I've ignored all tell tale signs that would indicate that I might need to see a doctor. However, recently I began having more frequent migraines and it has been more difficult to focus on small print. I would say my arms aren't long enough. Well, perhaps its time to see an eye doctor.

My eyes have gotten bad enough that reading has become difficult and not fun. My frustration left me struggling with my work and no desire to read anymore. Well, that just won't do.. SO I had to find an eye doctor.. *yippee* I did the "close your eyes and point trick" to finding an eye doctor. Actually, truth be known, I picked the first on the list because she was closest to home. Same diff tho, right?

I was dreading the day... today... day before my dreadful birthday. I expected to have my eyes dilated, which meant 4-6 hours of guarding my eyes against the light, because I'm light sensitive, and having extra blurry vision during most of that time as well. This meant, a non-productive day for me. Ugh!

Apparently, technology has grown over the past 3 years. They have this new machine that does what dilation did. They blind you with a strobe like light and take a picture of the inside of your eyeballs. The flash is instantaneous, the spots in your eyes after, not so much. So, I was blinded for about 20 minutes... remember, I'm light sensitive.. So the blindness was so much 'blind' as it was me trying to adjust back to normal so I wouldn't trigger a migraine. Trust me the technician really felt for me, but she felt that 20 minutes of spots and the potential a migraine was better than 4-6 hours of the same. I agreed.

This eye doctor, in my opinion was the best I have ever had. Of course this doctor was a woman. I love having women for my doctors. They listen, they talk. She showed me my eyeballs too! That, to me, was really cool!

Part one of the eye appointment was excellent!! Next, explaining to the optician why I have to have my glasses the way I have them... Ugh!

Every time I visit an optician for new glasses, I have to explain that I am light sensitive... Therefore the best that I have found for my eyes is glass lenses with photo grey, anti-glare, and lined bifocals. (Yes, I wear bifocals...) Anyway, I always, always get grief about the photo grey and the anti-glare. I also get grief over the lined bifocal rather than the "progressive" lenses.

You guessed it, we argued for the better part of 2 hours over just those subjects I just mentioned. Finally, I realized he might be right on the "transitions" instead of "photo grey" and he understood my argument about the bifocal lines instead of progressive lenses. Yes, you read that right... 2 hours! He thought he knew everything so he was trying to get me fitted quickly so he could go to lunch on time or something. Finally, after much deliberation, he realized he was going to need to wrap is brain around my dilemma if he was ever going to get rid of me. He finally told me that he was glad I came in because he loved his job, but lately, it had gotten boring. There weren't many challenges for him. He considered me a challenge. Hmm, is that a good thing? I hope so...

I have about a week to ten days before I get my new specs... I'll be able to see better. Yay!! 

... more later